Why the U.S. should attack Iran!

Trump admits he is limited in his ability to impose tariffs but he can still destroy countries. Go Team America!

Why should the U.S. wage war on Iran?

There are so many answers to that question, it’s difficult to know where to begin. But here are a few right off the top of my head, based on our current foreign policy and the thinking mapped out by the truly remarkable collection of political geniuses currently at the helm.

Please stand at attention with your hands over your hearts, as I offer 25 reasons why the U.S. should attack Iran.

1) Because we can.

2) We have all these bombs.

3) What good is a military if you don’t use it?

4) We love spreading chaos!

5) Destroy, divide, conquer.

6) Have you ever seen Ayatollah Khomeini on Dancing With The Stars? Obviously he hates our freedom and our television shows.

7) God told Trump to do it.

8) Israel told Trump to do it.

9) Lindsey Graham told Trump to do it.

10) Peace is for pussies. War is for winners.

11) We want to start a world war (see #2 above).

12) International politics is a bodybuilding contest. We need to show our muscles to the feeble slobs who make of the rest of the world.

13) It’ll piss off Russia.

14) It’ll piss off China.

15) It’ll piss off Hillary Clinton because she wanted to be the one to start it.

16) Donald Trump will get re-elected for a third term because when we’re at war we have to rally behind the president (I think it’s somewhere in the Bible: “Don’t change horses’ asses in the middle of a war.” Leviticus? Corinthians?)

17) Hollywood needs new settings for its upcoming war movies.

18) War Is A Force That Gives Us Meaning by Chris Hedges.

19) Americans love war as long as it’s NIMBY. Iran so far away.

20) Reza Pahlavi.

21) War makes lots of money for investors, especially the already ultra-rich.

22) It’ll hasten the Rapture.

23) Mirian Adelson.

24) Iranians revealed their diabolical anti-Americanism by putting their country in the middle of all our military bases.

25) CNN and Fox have their ‘War With Iran’ news broadcast graphics ready.

There’s more. But I think this is a damn good start!

You have a problem with this? Too bad.